Adebimpe The Facebook Girl

Episode 7

ME: ***dropped the phone and turned to kemi****.
My love, please wait for few minutes, he would be
KEMI: ooooooh God, I don’t like all this things, my
family must have be looking for me now.
ME: ***pats her on her laps*** I’m so sorry my love.
Please I’m sorry.
KEMI: ok, I will wait for only 20minutes. Go and get
my recharge card for me first.
ME: ***chaii, gbese!!!!!!!!, how I go take escape this
one oooooooo!!!**** ok dear.
KEMI: please hurry up.
ME : ok, let me go out and get it.
I picked my phone, went out of the house and chat
with segun.
ME: sege how far? Where you dey?
SEGE: I dey inside the joint wey dey down the street.
ME: ok,
SEGE: wetin your babe dey talk?
ME: she say she go wait for 20 minutes for you to be
SEGE: funny. She go wait tire ooo. Just find means
take discharge her for today. She go come back
ME: who tell you that one?
SEGE: I know her type, she no go wan miss the awuf
ME:hmmmm, I hear. But she dey demand for card
SEGE: like how much?
ME: 400naira.
SEGE: e no too much na, afterall you go pay olosho
800naira per round of sex if you go ashawo joint . Go
buy am give her.
ME: I hear.
I went to the vendor and purchased a 400naira mtn
and returned to the room to give her. She smiled
when she received it and I know that she would be
like “since recharge card don sure, shopping too go
sure ni yen oooo”. After about 17minutes of
meaningless gist, she became uncomfortable again
and she began to ask of segun. I picked the phone to
call again.
ME: sege, where are you?
SEGE: I dey on queue.
ME: please hurry up, my wife need to return on time.
SEGE: there are many people infront of me oo, it will
take me about 40minutes to be back home.
ME: ok, just hurry up. **hanged up***
KEMI: I’m not sure I could wait again, I need to
return home before my family began to look for me.
ME: if they are searching for you, they would have
called you on phone
KEMI: I didn’t come with my main line that they have.
ME: huuuuuh, eyah.
KEMI: let me go, we would see tomorrow.
ME: **yinmu***, and I wish you could stay a little ooo
KEMI: no I can’t, tell your brother that I can’t wait.
We would see tomorrow.
ME: ok my love.
Kemi stood up from the bed and we both walked out
of the door. I waved at a bikeman and told him
where to drop kemi. I paid the bikeman and kemi was
driven off. About 3 seconds later, I got a whatsapp
message on my phone from segun, ” my guy
welldone, you don dey sharp small small”. I smiled on
raised my head up to the opposite direction and I
saw segun walking towards me.
Segun and I went inside my room, we began to
ME: sege, that babe tight ooooo
SEGUN: tight as how?
ME: I mean the hole still tight
SEGUN: ***hissed***, I thought you meant “she is
ME: but she fine small oooo
SEGUN: na true, pass bimpe sebi?
ME: ***got furious**** for where?, she no even reach
half of bimpe’s standard **** argument continues***
SEGE: ****counter argument*** she fine pass bimpe,
she get burst pass bimpe.
ME: “lailai” this one wey get pimples?, for
SEGE: *** pats me on the laps****, onihaxy my guy, I
just wanted to hear what you would say. I know still
like this your bimpe.
ME: hmmmmmmmm
SEGE: its very obvious, if it could be possible, I know
you can reconcile with her again.
ME: no be so jaree. Kemi no just fine reach bimpe.
SEGE: onihaxy onihaxy!!!, “oko bimpe”
ME: you no well
SEGE: just go and do HIV test, you hear?
ME: let’s put that aside jare, how is tomorrow going
to be?
SEGE: **** re-adjusted sitting position***, onihaxy, I
dey reason something
ME: what is that?
SEGE: let’s forget about any show tomorrow.
ME: why?
SEGE: there is nothing to defend yourself with.
ME: how?
SEGE: by now, she believed I must have returned
from bank and the money must have been ready.
ME: so?
SEGE: what would be your excuse for not taking her
out tomorrow?
ME: ***hmmmmmmmm** and you have points
oooooo. So what do I do now?
SEGE: sebi you don Bleep her today, that one don
reach, just excuse her for tomorrow.
ME: give me an idea to use
SEGE: ******thoughts for a while*****. You know
ME: what?
SEGE: just call her this night and tell her that your
boss called you to come to work tomorrow morning
but you will leave on time so as to have the chance
to take her out.
ME: it doesn’t make any sense, she would still be
expecting an outing.
SEGE: chai, you no get any sense at all.
ME: oya borrow me senses jaree
SEGE: when its tomorrow morning, you will keep on
calling her at intervals telling her to give you little
more time and that you would soon be through. You
would keep posting her until the time is gone and
ME: ***shake hands with segun***, sege baba. Chaii,
I never reasoned to that instance sha. You too get
SeGE: you no well ni. I told you, girls don’t scam me,
na me dey scam girls.
ME: sege baba ***hails**
SEGE: “oko bimpe, oko kemi”….
Segun and I had more discussions until he left for his
house. I saw him off and came back inside my room
to call kemi as instructed by segun.
ME: hello love.
KEMI: hi dear, you couldn’t even call me since
ME: I’m so sorry dear.
KEMI: no problem, is bro segun back
ME: ****silent****** hello, I can’t hear you.
KEMI: I said “is bro segun back”?,
ME: ** stammered**, not yet, but he called me just
now that he is on his way coming
KEMI: ok, so tomorrow, I would come in the morning,
and please I want to return early because today, my
family members were insulting me for going out. So
I’m sneaking out tomorrow.
ME: dear, errrrrhmmmmm. There is a little problem
KEMI: what is that dear?
ME: my boss just called that I should come to work
tomorrow morning for some assignment.
KEMI: haaaaa.
ME: don’t worry dear, I would leave there on time so
as to have time with you.
KEMI: ok, where is your office located?
ME: oba adeshida road.
KEMI: no problem, I would come and meet you at
work tomorrow and we would go for the shopping
directly from there?
ME: *******yeeee, I don jam****, ok dear
KEMI: and if you weren’t able to finish your work
ontime. I would collect the money from you when I
meet you at work tomorrow and then do the
shoppings on my own
ME: ****** I don enter am*** ok love
KEMI: alright dear
ME: good night ****hanged up****


After dropping kemi’s call, I was confused on how to
bail myself from the web I just entered. I had just
lied and now, the lies were hunting me. I thought
through and couldn’t get a possible way out. I
decided to involve segun the event planner himself
on whatsapp.
ME: sege, how you dey?
SEGE: oko bimpe, oko kemi, I dey oo
ME: you no well ni
SEGE: how far?, you don call your wife?
ME: that was what I wanted to discuss with you sef
SEGE: gist me, wetin happen?
ME: the plan backfired
SEGE: how?
ME: I called her to informed her that my boss told
me to come to work tomorrow bla..bla..bla……
SEGE: wetin come happen?
ME: she told me that she would come to meet me at
my work place.
SEGE: heeeeeeeeee, smart counter move
ME: she said we would go out for the shopping from
there. And if the shopping won’t be possible, she
would collect the money and the gift you bought for
SEGE: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
ME: tell me jor, what should I do next?
SEGE: can’t you think on your own?
ME: I couldn’t figure out any idea jor
SEGE: you no well ni.
ME: so what next?.
SEGE: ok, let me give you few ideas, then you would
pick anyone out of them.
ME: ok, I’m all ears.
SEGE: first one, call her tomorrow morning, and
switch off there after. Switch on the phone on
sunday night. Call her and inform her that you had a
flat battery.
ME: hmmmmm, nice one. Any other idea?
SEGE: here is another one. Don’t call her at all
tomorrow, switch off till monday, don’t call her, wait
till she calls you herself and then tell her that you
were robbed and your phone was stolen.
ME: hmm mr sege!!!!!
SEGE: and here is another one. When its tomorrow
morning, call her to inform her that you are going to
work. And call her 2 hours later to inform her that
you are travelling with your boss to somewhere to
inspect a project and you don’t know when you would
be back.
ME: this your small head, na so so bad things full
SEGE: that’s why I am referred to as the event
ME: lool.
Segun and I had some moments of chats before we
end it at 9:30pm.
I then sat on my bed thinking of the one to follow
one of segun’s game plans.
After thinking for several minutes, I decided to go with
segun’s third plan.
I faced the mirror before I slept and tried doing some
rehearsals on how I would talk to kemi. I woke up very
early the second day which was saturday. I prepared
little breakfast, did a little exercise until 8am when I
decided to place a call to kemi. Suddenly, I began to
fear. I don’t know where the fear came from, I just
observed that I couldn’t gather the courage to lie to
Then I decided to call segun and inform him about my
predicament. He suggested that I should come over to
his place. “Who knows?, kemi might decide to find me
to my house since she already knew the place”. I
agreed with segun, I dressed up and went to meet him
at home.
On getting to segun’s house. We had few gist, then he
gave me some courage, cheers and some scripts to
make the call.
ME: hello baby,
KEMI: hi love
ME: I’m on my way to work
KEMI: ok dear, what time should I come to meet you at
ME: hmmmm. Let me get to work first and see the
situation of things, then I will call you
KEMI: no problem. Better still, text the address of your
workplace to me incase your number becomes
ME: ***oloshi**** ok dear, I will text it to you when I
dropped from the cab
KEMI: ok dear. Thanks for yesterday
ME: what did I do yesterday?
KEMI: the airtime you gave me.
ME: ***i thought as much, kemi would never
appreciate it if it were to be 100 or 200naira
denomination***, you are welcome dear.
KEMI: ***laughs**, you know our elders says if you
appreciate what you were given yesterday, you would
get another one today.
ME: ****laughed***, you are funny
KEMI: so I’m expecting what the elders said we should
be expecting
ME: I hear. Talk to you later
KEMI: ok dear, bye
ME: bye dear ***hanged up***


Segun and I laughed out loud and started talking about
kemi. Segun said she is very smart and would earn
more magas with her brain. We stopped gisting after a
while then we switched to segun’s laptop, he brought
out his game pads and we played winning eleven. We
were so carried away with the game that we forgot
about kemi.
At 12pm, my phone began to ring, I looked at the
screen and it was kemi. It was then that I remembered
about her. I was scared to pick up because I don’t
have the nerves to fabricate lies to her. My badman
event planner geared me up again and did a fast mini
rehearsals with me for the last time. After 4 missed
calls, I called kemi back myself.
ME: hi love, I saw your missed calls
KEMI: why aren’t you picking up?
ME: I was with my boss when you called. And you
know it would be embarrassing if I should pick calls in
his presence.
KEMI: ok dear, should I start coming
ME: eeeeeerrmmm
SEGE: *****throwing up his hands as a sign telling to
speak up*****
ME: eeeerm kemi, my boss wanted me to follow him to
inspect a project, that was why he told me to come
KEMI: ok, let me come before you guys leave for the
ME: we are already on our way to his car, infact, his
car is about 6 feet from here.
KEMI: so what will happen now?
ME: we won’t stay long. I’m sure we can exceed an
hour. When I’m coming back, I will call you.
KEMI: ok dear. I love you so much
ME: I love you too. Bye ***hanged up***.
More stories @
After the call, I dropped my phone and looked at segun.
SEGE: *****shake hands with me*****, that’s my boy,
ME: hmmmmmm, I hope it works sha
SEGE: mr maga leave story. If you aren’t too smart for
these girls, they would send you back to the village
when they are through with you.
ME: hmmmmmmm, let’s continue our winning eleven
and let me beat you one more time.
SEGE: oloshi, na only that one you sabi
Segun and I continued with the game, when I was
getting hungry, I picked some noodles in his cupboard
and help myself with the cooking. The friendship
between segun and I was more like brothers. We are
always free at each others house. Infact, I do see
segun’s house as my second home and vice versa.
I was eating my noodles and segun was playing game
alone on his own when kemi called again. I looked at
the wall clock and the time was 2pm.
ME: hello
KEMI: hi dear, please call me back
ME: ok
KEMI: ****hanged up****
I dropped the phone from my ear and face segun.
ME: “Shoooooo!, segun see me see wahala oooo”
SEGE: wetin happen?
ME: imagine kemi telling me to call back after
receiving 400naira airtime yesterday?
SEGE: sebi na you start am from onset
ME: how? ***raised eye brow****
SEGE: me as I dey so, if I send 100naira card to any
girl and if she doesn’t call me with atleast 50naira
worth of airtime before requesting another one, I will
never send another card.
ME: hmmmmmmmm
SEGE: but if na you, one “yeye” girl go call you to send
card, she no go use atleast half of the card to call you,
and she go request for another one. And you would
send it again. So what do you expect?
ME: you are right sha.
SEGE: call her na. Let’s hear what she has to say.
ME: ok
I dialled kemi’s number from my phone.
ME: hello kemisola
KEMI: hi love, where are you?
ME: I’m still with my boss on the project site
KEMI: when will you be through?
ME: I can’t say for now, but soon sha
KEMI: ooooh God, time is going now
ME: don’t worry, if we can’t be chanced to go out
today, what about tomorrow?
KEMI: that’s impossible, me and my family are
returning very early tomorrow morning
ME: haaaaa, ok, I pray we leave here quickly today
KEMI: and what happens if you don’t leave on time?
ME: I don’t know oooo,
KEMI: ok, let’s do it this way
ME: how?
KEMI: with the situation of things, I don’t think I would
be able to sneak out again today after this moment
ME: huuuuuuh
KEMI: so please can you send the money to my
account on monday morning so that I can shop for few
things to take to school when I get back to lagos.
ME: ********chai, “mogbe”, see finishing format*****.
Hmmmmmm, ok dear
KEMI: is that a promise dear, should I be expecting it?
ME: yeah, I will try
KEMI: I love you so much dear. And please, help me to
keep bro segun’s gift, I will collect it on my next visit
to akure during semester break
ME: really?, are you coming for another occasion?
KEMI: no ooo, I’m coming specially to visit you, I will
spend like 4days with you before I return back to lagos
ME: waooooh, I can’t wait for that moment. When will
that be?
KEMI: let’s say 2 months from now. I can’t wait to be
in your arms too my baby
ME: ok dear
KEMI: please don’t forget ooo, you know you promised
me you will send it on monday.
ME: I know dear.
KEMI: ok love. Take care
ME: and you too. Bye ***hanged up**


I dropped the call with my mouth wide opened as
segun was also looking at me and shaking his head at
the same time.
SEGE: oh boy, this your kemi too smart
ME: “baje baje”
SEGE: her own smartness sef don pass that of bimpe
ME: seems so. So what do I do next?
SEGE: sebi na two sims you get?
ME: yes na
SEGE: she know the second number?
ME: no oooo.
SEGE: switch off this line for the next 3weeks or one
month. Cased closed.
ME: really?, sebi you be event planner na, abeg plan
another way out jaree
SEGE: abegi mr maga. This girl’s smartness don dey
compete with my own. Just do as I say for now while
planning for another alternative.
I went back home, I changed my sim as segun directed
and kemi’s chapter was closed till further notice.
******** 18 months later *******
***TAP TAP TAP**** I felt someone taping my shoulder
and waking me up from sleep, I strained my eyelids and
gradually opening my eyeballs, I looked straight into
the ceiling and noticed it was painted white. It looked
strange to me because the ceiling of my room wasn’t
painted. I moved my head to the left and looked
straight to the wall beside me, it was also painted
white, it also looked strange to me because the wall of
my room is painted blue. This time, I was getting
scared and my heart began to ponder faster. Out of
fair, I turned my head to the other opposite side. I saw
two legs standing by the bed. I went dumb instantly as
I was tracing the legs upwards with my eyes. On
tracing to the kneels, the person was putting on a
white overall gown. This time, my heart was beating as
fast as possible. On tracing to the hips, I found out
that it was a girl. I traced to the chest and the two
hands were folded on the chest. I continued lifting my
eyes upward until I reached the face. “What!!!!!,
Adebimpe!!!!, is that you?, what am I doing here?, where
am I?”.
BIMPE: hi onihaxy ***smiled while standing***
ME: ** my heart almost burst out of my chest*****.
Adebimpe, where am I?, how did I get here?, I tried
moving my hands but it was tied to the bed.
BIMPE: ***smiled***, onihaxy!!!, you don’t need to
bother about where you are and how you got here.
What you should bother about is what I will do to you
ME: ****looked around again. The door was locked, my
legs were also tied to the bed’s edge with a chain and
there was no one else in the room aside bimpe and
please dear. I knew I have really wronged you. Please
have mercy on me. Please I beg you in the name of
BIMPE: ***raised eye brow**** and why should I have
mercy on you.
ME: ****crying**** adebimpe my love, it wasn’t my
fault. segun caused everything that happened.
BIMPE: ***smiled*** and the same segun isn’t here to
save you. So how will you now save yourself?.
ME: ***started crying and begging for mercy****.
Adebimpe mi, please have mercy on me, search down
into your heart and you will see that I have always
loved you.
BIMPE: hmmmmm, really?, uncle please tell me
another story.
ME: adebimpe, I’m serious. I loved you and I have
always loved you. Ever since you left, I wasn’t myself
anymore. I live every moment of my life thinking about
you dear.
BIMPE: **** dropped her hands from her chest and
moved closer to the bed, she sat down beside me and
kissed me passionately for about 40 seconds*****
Onihaxy, I also love you and I have never stopped
thinking of you. I knew everything wasn’t your idea. I
knew you never had that cruel heart to humiliate me. I
know you were pushed to do what you did.
ME: thanks so much my love. Thanks for understanding
BIMPE: its ok, but that won’t stop me from paying you
the revenge coin.
ME: haaaaaa. I’m so sorry adebimpe, please have
mercy on me.
ADEBIMPE: ****smiled*****, don’t worry dear, I won’t
kill you, I will only cripple you, by the time I break your
joints, I will set you free.
ME: adebimpe please!!!!!!!!
ADEBIMPE: *****stood up from the bed, opened a bag
and brought out a gun, pointed it at my kneels****,
onihaxy, I love you.
ME: ***as she was about to pull the trigger****
ADEBIMPE please!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My alarm rang and I woke up sweating seriously, I
looked at my time and it was 5am. “Yeeeeee!!, so I
have been dreaming ?”. I prayed immediately and
switched on my phone. Behold, I got a message from a
strange number saying “hi onihaxy, long time”.